Flashback

At school We are learning to write a flashback for a different perspective and use show not tell. I have been writing about a person called Sam in the story called "The Anzac Puppy". I had to be Sam in the story . I enjoyed doing it because it's based on fact and it's part of history. The story was written by Peter Millet and illustrated by Trish Bowels .
I think I should work on making sure the descriptive words make sense in a sentence. I feel like I have done well. I just need to make sure my sentences make sense and NO mistakes.

It all began in the year 1915. I was young then. It was 16 degrees. The wind was bitter and outside everywhere was frosty on the Western Front. Crash!Smash! The guns were blaring making my ears ring. They were ringing and ringing. But I couldn’t help it. I was trudging in the trenches. Under there it was scandalous and muddy. Everything above me was in ruins. Everything was frosty but I had to keep on going. So I proceeded and stomped. But I had a friend with me. A Great Dane puppy with white fur that was like the shining moonlight. Black spots that were like the bullets of the gun.

I kept on trudging. But I can’t take it no more. I’m so vexed I feel like I have sorrow in me. I’m heartbroken and filled with anger and getting high tempered. My heart making me panic. Blood going everywhere in me. I could see my veins in the flesh of my skin. Bloodshed everywhere. They were like red paint oozing out of the courage and brave men. Panicked-stricken by the thought of seeing brave and courage men gone rapidly like the bullet of the gun. Sergeants, Lieutenants and corporals. I stood there like the brink of silence. Wishing it was over.