At school, I had to write two paragraphs of a story based on the picture of a dirty man. I had to use descriptive words, and to use them in my paragraphs to make sense. What I think I should work on is to add more descriptive words to my story and to show not tell. Because we are learning to write a story that is Showing not telling. Please comment on my work so I know what to work on. Please comment by commenting on something positive, thoughtful and giving me some helpful feedback.
Terrible Times
As the bitter wind howls the man filled with exhaustion and tiredness stumbles in an old wooden cabin. He panics and collapses only seeing darkness. Darkness fills the air. Silence does it’s talk. The gusty winds howls powerfully as the windows rattle. Raindrops pelting down make echo noises and pitter patter on the roof.
The rain makes heavy, blaring noises as it hits the glassy window pane. The trees revealing themselves as shadows in the light. The man shivers with his heart beating rapidly and stays still like a forlorn tree. Panicked-stricken. His face turns fire red. Droplets of rain bead on his forehead. With despair and loneliness he felt frightened and dismayed.
Hello eden,
ReplyDeletewhat a story! I liked that it had a lot of detail and emotions. also it was amazing. :)
From Jacob M,
Yaldhurst Model School